AWAITING!! Watching & Praying

I grew up in a small town, Mckenzie, Alabama.  Some of my most fondest and precious memories are the times I spent with my Grandma and Grandpa.  My parents must have stayed so aggravated with me, because all I wanted to do was spend the night at Grandma's house. My Grandpa and I were very close, he was my Hero!  He treated us Grand kids so special and he was a hardworking man.  When he was not at his job, he was at home hard at work. He gave his family his all in all!  I remember that horrible morning at School, my Senior year.  They called me to the office to inform me my Grandfather had died.  I stood there in shock.  No way, not my Grandpa, he was invincible,nothing was wrong with him!  On January 2, 1990 he had a massive heart attack at his place of employment.  I was so deeply devastated.  I loved my Grandpa so, so much.  And I still miss him to this day.  When I feel lonely, I envision myself sitting beside Grandpa on his doorstep.

The devastation of death would not stop there.  The year of 1990 was a year of doom and gloom for me.  The very year I had waited on for so long, the year I would graduate from High School.  Oh course I was in love, what 18 year old girl is not?  His name was Michael J. Boggan.  And yes, I loved that man of mine!  In school, instead of taking notes from the Teacher, I was too busy writing Mrs. Michael Boggan on all my notebooks and Tracey l/s Michael on my desk. (Sorry former Teachers)  He was so awesome, so good looking, and such a thoughtful person. He treated me with the utmost respect and cared about my feelings.  We were always together and after I graduated from School I moved in with him.  Everything in life was great!  I won a full Scholarship to attend a Technical College for Business and Administration and I was in love with the best looking man in town.  This exciting life and plans I had would soon turn fatal.  The morning of Friday the 13th July of 1990 would be the day of utter destruction of my heart and soul. Absolute total and complete grief beyond recovery.  His Grandfather knocked on the door that morning and told me to get down to his Parent's house.When I pulled up in that driveway, there was four or five State Troopers sitting in that yard. I had not a clue what was going on, until I got out of the car. I shall never forget the words that were said to me, "Michael got killed this morning."   I dropped to my knees.  There had to be a mistake, not my Michael, he was also like my Grandpa, invincible in my eyes.  Michael was driving down a narrow, country road on his way to work.  They said he fell asleep at the wheel, when he hit head on with a log truck driver.  He was killed instantly!  And no I did not get to see my Michael one last time at the funeral home, for his head was completely bandaged up.  The last time I seen Michael was early that morning when he laid his sleepy head on my chest and told me goodbye and that he loved me.  I remember that morning so well, I watched him as he pulled out of the driveway to go to work. He drove a white Nissan Pickup and it was loaded down with pallets that he built the day before.  That would be the last time I would ever see my love. For years I blamed myself for his death.  "If"  I had not let him leave that morning, "IF", what any ugly word.

Well you can imagine the rest of my summer did not go to well.  My grief was almost too unbearable.  I wanted to die and be with Michael so badly.  The fall of 1990 I did not go to College as planned. I had to leave that town.  December 2, at age 19 I would do just that.  This distraught, small town girl would join the United States Navy. I attended Boot Camp at Recruit Training Command in Orlando, FL.  It was very hard, I honestly did not think I was going to make it. The emotional and physical strain was almost too much to take. My God was watching over me!  I did make it through, graduated and went on to Naval Air Station Miramar, San Diego, Ca. I had the coolest job in the whole world,  Plane Captain Trainee. I always had a great love for airplanes and here I was on the Flight Line surrounded by Fighter Jets.

Later I did fall in love again,  to a wonderful man,  Rick,  in which we have been married for 18 years now.  On March 14, 1992,  we were wed in my home town and we've been un separable since. It was just the two of us for the first six years until our beautiful baby girl came into this world.  The Lord God blessed me in "due season."  For the birth of my first child would be the last.  When Katie was two years old my health began to go downhill.  From February of 2000 until September of the same year I was getting worse.  The Doctors could not find what was wrong.  I came very, very close to death, so close in fact, it is almost to scary to retell. On one particular night, after we had already went to bed, death came into that bedroom.  I was almost taken that night.  I remember trying to wake myself up and there was no life in me. I had to literally grasp for breath as I tried to rise up and shake it off. At that time I did not realize my heart was stopping.  So many tests were done on me, they checked for everything except my heart.   On the tilt table test my blood pressure dropped to 64  over 32, in which they could not pick up a heart rate. With no explanation for my symptoms they sent me home. Yes, sent me home with a two year old, and an event monitor hooked to my body, and a husband who had to go to work, on night shift at that!  I can remember sitting on my couch and it was as if the TV was going off.  I would ask little Katie to give me her juice cup so I could revive myself.  On September 27, 2000 they finally diagnosed me with Sick Sinus Syndrome. I went into "sinus arrest."  They said my heart's natural pacemaker just stopped working right.  The event monitor showed my heart had stopped beating for 15 seconds and multiple 4-5 second pauses.  Again God was with me!  On September 28,2000 at 28 years old, they implanted a dual chamber pacemaker inside of me.  The following year I underwent a Tubal Ligation. 

After joining the Church of God, the summer of 2003,  the devil would attack again!  On a Wednesday night,  while I was at Church,  the enemy would break into my home.   On April 21, 2004,  my daughter and I was at Grand Bay Church of God and I was helping out that night doing something very special for our Pastor,  whom I love and admire.  We pulled up in our driveway that night and I seen my bedroom light was on.  Not thinking a whole lot about it,  my daughter and I came inside our home.  Nothing was out of place!  I walked from the den, to my bedroom, not knowing what I was about to discover.  Thank Jesus,  little Katie was right up under me.  As I was reaching down to  to undress,  I looked on my dresser to discover my jewelry box was empty.  It was still standing like I left it,  except everything was gone!  It's hard for me to describe the feeling that came over me.  It was horror!  I knew and felt something was wrong.  Katie was loudly telling me she was hungry.  I did not say a word.  It was like slow motion as I approached my night stand.  We kept a loaded .38 pistol in the drawer.  ( for my husband works night shift)  When I opened the drawer,  the gun was gone.  From there on I felt complete evil in my home.  I quietly and quickly grabbed my daughter by the hand,  got my telephone and got out of the house.  My first instinct was to call my husband.  I informed him we had been robbed.  As I was sitting in the car,  I seen when my front door was shut.  I quickly backed out of the driveway and pulled in a church parking lot next door,  waiting for that Pastor to come out.  My head lights was facing my back yard and I seen what looked like a light the size of a flash light hit the barn from the back yard.  That was when the robber went out the back door,  the door he busted down.  It was not until after the sheriff's deputy came that I saw my kitchen back door.  He kicked it wide open and busted the lock all to pieces.  It was so horrifying!  We discovered he was hiding in my master bedroom closet when Katie and I got home.  My daughter and I was so close to evil that night,  so close to be taken away.  If she had went into my bathroom,  well you can imagine the rest.

With all that behind me, my God has me here for a reason!!  The enemy continually tries his level best to destroy me.  But Jesus Christ saved my soul and has given me a love and understanding of His Word and it's my hearts desire to share that knowledge with other people.  Due to my experience's,  God has given me a "good taste" of Heaven,  but yet I carry on.  He has showed me I must redeem the time!  The days we are living in are evil and I must protect my daughter and bring her up in the ways of the Lord.  I have so much to be thankful for.  First of all my life,  my husband and child,  and the Lord Jesus Christ!  I give the Lord all the Praise and Glory,  He saved my soul by sacrificing Himself and going to the Cross,  He gave me the Baptism of the Holy Ghost, and He gave me the love of reading His Word.  I pray someone, somewhere will receive the answer you have been searching for and live the rest of your life in God's Peace and Joy.  And I want to close with Scripture that is very close to my heart. You see I believe in the Rapture of the Church and it is coming quickly!  In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump:  Jesus is going to take us out of this world.  He said, Behold I come quickly. If you are lost and without Jesus, get saved and be ready!   All you have to do is believe that Jesus is the Christ,  the Son of God and He was Resurrected from the dead.  The Great Tribulation that will take place on this Earth will be like nothing that has ever happened before.  Nothing can be compared to the horror that will take place.  Just read the Book of Revelations and you will see.  But for now, take comfortin this...

1Thess. 4:13-18  But I would not have you to be

ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep,

 that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. 

 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even

so also them which sleep in Jesus will God bring with

him.  For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord,

 that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of

the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.  For

the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a

shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the

trump of God:  and the dead in Christ shall rise first: 

Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up

together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in

the air:  and so shall we ever be with the Lord. 

Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

Tracey  Swinson